Kids’ definitions of marriage

I gotta admit, reading a lot of these made me go, “Awww,” a couple of million times. Someone decided to ask kids some questions about marriage, relationships, and so forth. Sure it’s like an episode of Kids Say the Darndest Things, but is that so bad? The answers to the questions are absolutely adorable- not just in their humor but their tireless innocence. So check it out, it’ll be a hoot.

Tags: Funny, Relationships

Natalie is funny. For once.

You all know those people. Those people at your work place or friends that you know who get really lame forwards and sit and laugh day in and day out for no reason.

You don’t quite understand it. But every once in a blue moon– they send you something funny.

And here its, ladies and germs:

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings,
bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be
able to monitor my moods.
We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it
turns green and when I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a
big frickin red mark on his forehead.
Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond… Dumb ass

Tags: Funny, Quote of the Day, Relationships

Awesome. Absolutely AWESOME post on relationships on Craigslist.

Who woulda thunk?

Enjoy.

What am I doing wrong?

Okay, I’m tired of beating around the bush. I’m a beautiful (spectacularly beautiful) 25 year old girl. I’m articulate and classy. I’m not from New York. I’m looking to get married to a guy who makes at least half a million a year. I know how that sounds, but keep in mind that a million a year is middle class in New York City, so I don’t think I’m overreaching at all.

Are there any guys who make 500K or more on this board? Any wives? Could you send me some tips? I dated a business man who makes average around 200 – 250. But that’s where I seem to hit a roadblock. 250,000 won’t get me to central park west. I know a woman in my yoga class who was married to an investment banker and lives in Tribeca, and she’s not as pretty as I am, nor is she a great genius. So what is she doing right? How do I get to her level?

Here are my questions specifically:

- Where do you single rich men hang out? Give me specifics- bars, restaurants, gyms

-What are you looking for in a mate? Be honest guys, you won’t hurt my feelings

-Is there an age range I should be targeting (I’m 25)?

- Why are some of the women living lavish lifestyles on the upper east side so plain? I’ve seen really ‘plain jane’ boring types who have nothing to offer married to incredibly wealthy guys. I’ve seen drop dead gorgeous girls in singles bars in the east village. What’s the story there?

- Jobs I should look out for? Everyone knows – lawyer, investment banker, doctor. How much do those guys really make? And where do they hang out? Where do the hedge fund guys hang out?

- How you decide marriage vs. just a girlfriend? I am looking for MARRIAGE ONLY

Please hold your insults – I’m putting myself out there in an honest way. Most beautiful women are superficial; at least I’m being up front about it. I wouldn’t be searching for these kind of guys if I wasn’t able to match them – in looks, culture, sophistication, and keeping a nice home and hearth.

it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 432279810

THE ANSWER
Dear Pers-431649184:

I read your posting with great interest and have thought meaningfully about your dilemma. I offer the following analysis of your predicament. Firstly, I’m not wasting your time, I qualify as a guy who fits your bill; that is I make more than $500K per year. That said here’s how I see it.

Your offer, from the prospective of a guy like me, is plain and simple a crappy business deal. Here’s why. Cutting through all the B.S., what you suggest is a simple trade: you bring your looks to the party and I bring my money. Fine, simple. But here’s the rub, your looks will fade and my money will likely continue into perpetuity…in fact, it is very likely that my income increases but it is an absolute certainty that you won’t be getting any more beautiful!

So, in economic terms you are a depreciating asset and I am an earning asset. Not only are you a depreciating asset, your depreciation accelerates! Let me explain, you’re 25 now and will likely stay pretty hot for the next 5 years, but less so each year. Then the fade begins in earnest. By 35 stick a fork in you!

So in Wall Street terms, we would call you a trading position, not a buy and hold…hence the rub…marriage. It doesn’t make good business sense to “buy you” (which is what you’re asking) so I’d rather lease. In case you think I’m being cruel, I would say the following. If my money were to go away, so would you, so when your beauty fades I need an out. It’s as simple as that. So a deal that makes sense is dating, not marriage.

Separately, I was taught early in my career about efficient markets. So, I wonder why a girl as “articulate, classy and spectacularly beautiful” as you has been unable to find your sugar daddy. I find it hard to believe that if you are as gorgeous as you say you are that the $500K hasn’t found you, if not only for a tryout.

By the way, you could always find a way to make your own money and then we wouldn’t need to have this difficult conversation.

With all that said, I must say you’re going about it the right way. Classic “pump and dump.” I hope this is helpful, and if you want to enter into some sort of lease, let me know.

Tags: Funny, Relationships

Quote of the Day

“[I] don’t think i’ll ever trust another man again but hey, who needs ‘em. i got batteries.”
-Michelle

I hadn’t talked to Michelle in a couple of months almost and she drops this gem. Amazing. I feel like if I were to hang out with her every day this whole site would just be ‘isms’ of Michelle. And Amit, who I haven’t talked to in a while. So I need to get to that.

Tags: Friends, Funny, Quote of the Day, Relationships

I’m getting married!

As a joke to my mom I put myself on Shaadi.com. HILARITY. She begged and pleaded that I take myself off. But hey, if I can make some FOB honeys happy, why not? (Kidding, of course)

I was listed on the front page for “Malayalam Grooms”. Some bastard below me however is a doctor and 6’0″. It’s punks like that who end up ruining it for the rest of us. Pshah.

Tags: Funny, Relationships

My final night in India

Wow. It’s here, and I think it’s hit me: this is my final night in India after two years of being here. Sure, I visited the US a number of times in that time span, but actually moving out of here is completely different. It’s a different feeling; a sense of loss, a sense of fear of change, and so on.

And I know I’m not alone in this– everyone goes through it at one point or another. It’s the fear of the uncertainty of the future that lurks around the corner for me. I had some sense of (dare I say) comfort here, knowing that I could make it through by either web design or American culture training. Now? _______________ It’s a blank. I don’t know what I’ll be doing. I have plans, sure. But those are just dreams until I get a job in America. And Lord knows that’ll be hard. Especially for me.

So that’s where we are. Amit, Serah, Eleyah, Maggichachi and family, Vinod, Jo, his mom, Apsi, and I will all be here tonight. Sort of a ‘farewell’ thing. I’m looking forward to some KFC and playing with Sammy and Michelle. Then, I’ll begin packing.

Saying goodbye to Apsi will be the hardest. But I’ll need to prepare for it.

Out.

See ya stateside.

Tags: America, Happenings, India, Relationships

Quotes of the Day

Today there are two, count ‘em, TWO quotes I’m putting up because they’re both worth it.

“Men spend 9 months trying to get out, and the rest of our lives trying to get back in.”
-D-dey, recalling a quote he heard somewhere

“God they’re just so cute and little- I just wanted to grab a couple and put them in my bag!”
-Barry, on his affection for Asian women and how it was exacerbated when he went to Thailand (?)

Tags: Funny, Quote of the Day, Relationships