I am SUCH a badass. Or an idiot. Or brash. Or frikkin COOL. You can make up your mind on your own. Here’s the breakdown:

So Jojin and Vinod and I go to a hotel to have a lunch buffet that they’re offering. It’s a relatively good spread, but it’s slightly overpriced. Just after Vinod sits down, Jojin whispers something. “Those assholes are still looking.” Completely lost, Vinod and I ask him about what’s going on. There was another table of people, perhaps a group of about 20 people, including men and women. “They’re staring over here, pointing, and laughing.” I was mostly confused as to what on earth was so funny. “They’re making fun of your hair,” Jojin said quietly, and went back to his food, still steaming.

Now it’s safe to say that I’m not exactly the most hot-headed of people. However, it may be the influence of Fight Club, it may not be, but I had this pang of anger in me. I mean, people make fun of me all the time (and I get them back for it), but this seemed totally unnecessary for them to do. “If they do it again, lemme know so that I can kick ass,” I gleefully replied. “Nah, don’t do anything stupid,” Vinod chimed.

We went along, and I finished my meal. For some reason however, it kept nagging at me, and the tiny flame that was lit earlier in the meal had now become a brush fire. I pointed two fingers at Jojin, and said, “Pick one.” He picked the left, my index finger. What he didn’t know was that I had designated one the finger that would be picked for me to go and confront them. The other was for me to leave the issue alone.

He picked for me to go and confront them.

And I did.

I calmly went over to the table, and spoke with the guy at the head of the table. “You know, it’s interesting,” I calmly said, “when I was young, my mother told me never to point at people and stare. Not only did you all do that, you also thought it was hilarious enough to start laughing. As a result, I’d like an apology. Now.”

The entire table had hushed by this point, and even the room was on edge, slightly brimming with tension.

One of the men replied, “Actually, we never did anything.”

Denial. A plan of escape I hadn’t expected, but one that fed my need for an apology further.

I spoke evenly. “Interesting, when an entire table looks a certain direction and points and laughs, it’s usually a good sign that you DID do something.”

“No we were all just pointing at each other.”

“Oh of course, you expect me to believe that, right? Listen, all I’m saying is that I want an apology. Now. And I have to say that it’s in your best interest to do so.”

I was beside myself. Did I just make a threat? It wasn’t even VEILED! What if 4 or 5 of the guys wanted to take me outside and teach me a lesson? Was I ready for it? My nerves became steel. Yes, I thought. I’m ready.

“Well sir, if that’s what you got from us, I’m sorry.”

“Good. An apology. A ’sorry’. That’s all I needed.” I walked back to my table. My heart was POUNDING, but I had kept an even demeanor the entire time. I looked cool. Calm. Collected. And most of all, THREATENING. I’m not saying that I want to become a bully or something, but it felt good exploring that side of me, somehow. I get taken very lightly most of the time, because I’m jovial, etc. But this time, I didn’t feel like lying down and taking it. So I made a stand.

And it worked beautifully.

Whew.

Enough adventure for now.

Peace.

“So there I was, balls-deep…..”

I get bored sometimes, so I say that phrase all the time whenever there’s a lull in the conversation. Of course there’s more to it, but it’s a bit more x-rated. Plus, you can add more for yourself.

You know, it’s interesting– the sign makers here can’t spell for crap, but the general intelligent populace can. It’s the exact opposite of the US. Pretty intelligent people (JON LUNARDI!) can’t spell for crap, but the sign-makers can. Weird.

Quote of the Day
So I was at a cabaret last night, and there’s a midget dancing for us…..
-Amit

So much for making an American breakfast. Out the window. Had to go to work and so did Vinod, etc. So yeah, that didn’t happen.

You know, it’s interesting. According to actual mileage from here to work (one-way), it’s 4.5 miles. How long does it TAKE to go that distance every morning? 25 minutes. Not. Kidding. Plus, it costs about Rs. 60 each way. Of course in dollars, it’s paltry, it’s like $1.40 or something. But lemme put this in perspective. I can get a relatively nice cheap lunch for about Rs. 20. Let’s go ahead and compare that to like, a Big Mac Value meal at McDonald’s, which is $5. So three of these meals at Rs. 20 is what I can eat to equal one auto ride to work. To convert it into American sensibility again, you’re talking about $30 a day to go to work for about 9 miles of traveling.

Yeah. That’s just preposterous. And I have to spend that every weekday, when I could be having a nice 6 meals a day if I chose to. However, I’ve become somewhat of a miser since I’ve gotten here. I’ll go get idli (it’s like these baked sourdough bread things) and sambar (tomato/lentil soup) at a local eatery for Rs. 5. Then I’ll go to lunch and have thali (roti or rice with a number of different curries) and get that for Rs. 40. Last, I’ll go to the same restaurant where I had breakfast and have tomato soup for Rs. 20. That comes up to Rs. 65 a day– about $1.40 for an entire day’s meals. Now lest you think that it’s JUST because I’m a cheapskate, it’s actually also because I try to eat low-calorie things now, and most of that ends up being vegetarian. So having all these items, and then running every day is cutting down on my weight. So yeah.

Longest blog yet? Perhaps. But I’m always thinking of new stuff so who knows, this might be eclipsed by something in the future…

Peace..

Just when I thought I was in the clear… I’m not. Or I wasn’t. Or whatever the grammatically correct way to say that is.

I’ve decided that I’m never eating sandwiches in Bangalore again. In fact, maybe never in this country. Reasons…

1995- Mutton Burger… food poisoning
1999- Paneer Burger from KFC… food poisoning
2004- Chopped BBQ Chicken Sandwich… SEVERE food poisoning
2005- Chicken and Cheese Sandwich – food poisoning

I have a 100% rate of getting sick in this town after eating a sandwich. The only difference this time is that it happened about 3 weeks in instead of within the first 48 hours.

So today I came back to work and there’s a huge project that needed to be given to the Director of the program. GULP. Fortunately for me, I had already done most of the changes, but my colleague Amit has a SHITLOAD to do. Poor guy. Plus there’s talk of us maybe being moved to Chennai (other city in another state), and on top of THAT there’s a Microsoft session next week that we have to teach. ACK.

It’s just BEGINNING to get hairy my friends…

So it’s 12:46 AM and I’m typing this up. Why am I up this late even though I have to get up at 6:30 AM? Damn good question. I’m going to say that it’s because I’ve mastered the art of compressing deep sleep into 3 hours somehow. Like Batman. (Okay that was a TOTALLY geeky reference. Please ignore.)

By the way, all those who were EAGERLY awaiting a new pic of the week. WAIT ON SUCKAHS! I’me taking it tomorrow before going to work.. we’ll see if I can do some of it at work or not.

I suppose things around here are starting to settle down. I’m getting an idea of how people function at my workplace, who to be around, who to slightly avoid because their egos are through the roof, etc. It’s interesting when people try to tell ME how to say words with an American accent. I think it’s because I’m new and they think that they can boss me around or some shit. Whatev. Let ‘em get on their soapbox for a month or so, if that gives them joy/a sense of fulfillment. I totally expect this to happen at any workplace I join, so it’s not like I’m surprised.

Meryl Streep (my fave actress) had a quote that makes a lot of sense:

“Real life isn’t like college. It’s a lot like high school.”

It’s true, there are cliques, there are things you don’t know but are automatically assumed to have known, there are insecurities to deal with, and of course, lots of pimples. Okay maybe not that as much. Similar quote from American Beauty. Lester Burnham (Kevin Spacey) talks about giving advice to his daughter about difficulties in life, etc.

“I could tell Jane that all these things get better when you’re older, but then I’d be lying.”

Touche. And with that, I bid adieu.

Woohoo! The computer at our place is finally working!! This means of course that I’ll be having loads of longer blogs for people to read through, because I’m SURE everyone wants more of.. who else.. ME.

Now I’m just waiting for the b*tch in the other booth to get out so that I can use the CD burner on the machine. Grr. (And ok fine, I dont know if she’s a b*tch.)

So I’m on break right now at work. Taking my hour’s break for lunch, and at the Faculty room, they have internet access. That’s especially helpful because I get to sit in an air conditioned room with a good keyboard instead of a steamy room with a crappy computer and sticky keyboard. Very helpful. Now onto news at work…

Apparently NEXT’s new client is Microsoft, and they ASKED FOR ME! WHOA! They love native-speakers of American English, and I was talking to the head trainer here and she was telling me that if they like you enough, they end up snatching those trainers away from their original workplaces. What does that mean? That in a while, i may be saying, “Hey how’s it goin… I work for Microsoft.” Isn’t that INSANE?!!

Alright, gotta go.